Backcountryoutlet.com Newsletter Articles

Ah, Spring. The snow is melting from the peaks, and the trails are singing their siren song. If you’re like us, you’re already pawing the dirt, planning trips to Moab and southern Colorado. Like us, you can’t wait to tip over while still clipped in, stick your hand in a cactus while you poop in the desert, go showerless for three days in a row, attempt to pitch a 6-man tent at midnight in a bourbon-soaked haze, and then complain that it’s a piece of crap when it blows over with you still in it—that’s what Spring is all about, besides taxes. Finally (also like us), you probably went to pull your bike out of the garage and found it barely rideable, its frame caked with dirt from your last fall ride, and your chain a black, noisy mess. Maybe you didn’t, because you maintain all your gear like precious jewelry. If that’s the case, go sip your Chai latte while you gloat, and here’s hoping you burn the roof of your mouth, ya jerk. But for those of you who are still here, we took some time out of our busy day (yeah right) to work up a little step-by-step resuscitation plan that will have you and your two wheels rolling AFQAP (As Freakin’ Quick As Possible). Read on!

Step 1: Get Clean.

If you don’t already have a full Pit Kit, here’s what you’ll need to get started:

• Two buckets, one filled with ice, one with hot water.
• A sponge or soft brush.
• An old toothbrush.
• A degreasing rag.
• A clean towel. Don’t use a monogrammed one from the guest bathroom or you’ll be in a lot of trouble.
• A bottle of biodegradable cleaner (we like Pedro’s ‘cause it smells better than Simple Green, but you can use either)
• A six-pack of tasty beer. Westerners: go here. East Coasters: here.

First, apply the beer to the ice bucket. Set aside for later.

Second, address the bike: soak it down, and wipe off any boulders or squirrels still stuck in the stays. Once the chunks are gone, spray it all over with the cleaner, wait a minute, and then go to work with the brush or sponge—don’t be shy. Now unbolt your seat collar, pull out your post, and drop the front wheel out of the fork. Get the toothbrush into all the black spots until your hands are filthy and the little parts aren’t. Don’t forget your hubs and rims. When everything shines, rinse down the frame and dry it off with the towel.

Step 2: Degrease.

If your chain is really a rusty mess (it shouldn’t be if you kept it lubed last season) you’ll need a new one. Otherwise, drip a healthy dose of citrus degreaser on that sucker and scrub away like you’re Lady Macbeth. This will be frustrating, because every time you turn your cranks, more grime from the chainring and cassette will get on the chain. Tip #1: take off your rear wheel and use the rag to go back-and-forth between your cassette cogs, then wrap the rag around your chain and run it through your hand. After this, your hands will look like you moonlight as an auto mechanic. Very cool.

Step 3: Lube.

Grab your all-purpose grease and some chain lube that matches your riding conditions, and put on your leather mask with the zipper over the mouth. Now take the mask off, sicko, it’s not that kind of party. The rule here is: if it has threads and it moves, grease it. If it doesn’t, lube it up. Hit your pivots (if you ride a full-suspension frame), chain, and derailleurs with lube, and use grease on seat collar bolts and axle nuts. For things like your disc rotors and stem clamp, check the torque settings in the manual and use a torque wrench, or risk stripping threads. If you have a bike stand, you can do all of this standing up, plus you’ll look varsity when your friends come over.

Step 4: Check your gear.

So, the entire time you were cleaning all that stuff, you were supposed to be checking for frame cracks, worn parts, stripped threads, et cetera. Did we forget to mention that? Sorry—go back and start over from Step 1.

Just kidding … if you didn’t spot anything it probably wasn’t major, but definitely give your ride a once-over, pressing down on your top tube, looking at welds and joints for signs of weakness. DON’T ride a cracked frame (duh). The same rule applies to your helmet. A crack in your lid means it’s shot; get a new one or keep a backup brain on ice at the hospital. We like to replace our XC tubes, and keep the old ones as spares. If you ride DH/FR, check out a new set of knobbies, or at the very least drop in some new tire sealant so your first ride of the season doesn’t end up a long hike instead. Tip #2: if you don’t know how to tune your fork, shock, or derailleurs, there’s no shame in calling a friend or taking your bike to a reputable shop. They’ll respect your attention to cleanliness, and tell you if you missed anything while you fondle the latest gear.

Step 5: Pat yourself on the back.

Remember those microbrews in the bucket? It’s time to enjoy. Turn the dirty water bucket upside-down, pop a squat, and crack open a brewski. Congratulate yourself on a job well done.

Step 6: Ride, stupid

Why are you still reading?